The Story of Shitty................

[MDLR]

The Butterley Narrow Gauge Railway Association had known of the existence of Simplex Mechanical Handling 40SD 529 for a good number of years. This loco, built in 1984, was the last Simplex loco to be built at The Elstow Works in Bedford as later examples were built under licence by Alan Keef before he finally bought the company. The loco spent all its working life at Severn Trent Water’s Stoke Bardolph Sewage Works, where it was used to move skip wagons full of “solids” from the filter beds to the tipping site. It is believed to have last worked there in March 1994 – a visit in September of the same year revealed that all the railway plant had been removed and replaced by a new dumper!

A furious chase ensued, as the loco had by now been sold at auction. It was fortunately located in a plant dealer’s yard at Hammersmith, hard by one end of the Midland Railway Trust’s standard gauge line, where it was inspected and subsequently purchased, complete with its cab, which had been removed whilst it was in service but sold with the loco. It arrived on site on 25th October, 1994.

Being designed to fit cross-ways into a standard container, the cab is noticeably slimmer than on most Simplexes, and it has a pull-on handbrake rather than the normal wheel type. The regular driver at Stoke Bardolph was no lightweight, and we are told that that was why the cab was removed!

Anyway, the following appeared in the Association’ magazine, “Two Foot Topics”, early in 1995.


THE RAILWAY'S NEW LOCO (PRIVATE AND NOT FOR PUBLICATION)

(with profuse apologies to the Reverend Wilbert Awdry)

Simon the Simplex was the only working Simplex on the narrow gauge railway at the Butter Park - there were two others which had worked at a Glass Works, but they didn't go very well and their owners didn't bother with them, so they mouldered in a siding at the far end of the railway.

The Enthusiasts who ran the railway were always on the look out for Really Useful Engines to add to their collection, but they didn't often get them. However, one day Balding Neil came into Top Shed and told Simon that they had bought another, yellow, Simplex! He told him that the loco would arrive the following day, and would be left at the far end of the line. "That sounds a bit unfair" thought Simon, but he soon found out why!

The next evening, Brian the Habitual Driver got him out of Top Shed and they went to fetch the new loco from the far end of the line. As they went over the level crossing, Simon began to smell a Smell, which got stronger and stronger as he approached the new loco at the end of the line. Holding his breath with great difficulty (because Engines don't have hands to cover their noses) Simon said "Hello, I'm Simon - who are you?" "I'm Shitty" the new loco said, brightly. "Yes, I had noticed that" said Simon, backing away a bit. "Now then Simon" said Brian, "I can remember when you were dirty and unkept in that Brick Works where you used to live - YOU weren't particularly nice to know then." "I suppose so, but where does that pong come from?" "I used to work for Severn Trent Water in a Reclamation Works" said Shitty proudly. "We reclaimed water, and rags, and second-hand condoms…………" "That's quite enough" said Brian and with some difficulty the two locos were coupled and taken to outside Top Shed - Simon said "I'm not having that smelly thing in here with me, particularly as Deputy Graham has boarded up the ventilation holes".

When they had arrived, Eddy the Muttering Fitter started to poke around (very gently so not as to disturb all the dirt) and muttered things like "maintained?" "looked after?" "look at this!". Eventually, when Brian had lent Shitty the battery off his Land Rover, Shitty's engine started, he went "Whooppee!!" and all the Enthusiasts did a little dance of joy.

Soon after, Eddy took the high pressure washer to Shitty, so most of the dirt was washed off him onto Eddy and he didn't smell as much, so Simon then let him live in Top Shed, where his oils were changed (which helped him smell even better) and his sump got mended after Eddy had made it go "ting" through using too much Gas Axe after muttering about the circular drain plug. Eddy and Chris also took off one of his heads, (because, dear reader, although they are only small ones, he has three) and Eddy took it home to mend on his kitchen table (like he normally does).

Simon thought Shitty was a young upstart until Balding Neil told him that Shitty had been the last loco built at the Simplex Works before the business was sold to Woto's grandfather, so Shitty was an Historic Loco - then he knew he was a young upstart, as he was only 10! Nevertheless, all the Narrow-minded Enthusiasts were pleased to hear that Shitty had been saved, and a Glitterati Gent came all the way from Hampshire to drive him, and said his chains had mice as they squeaked so much, and needed adjusting, ten minutes after Eddy had finished doing just that (and stopping him going round corners on his own by adjusting his axles). Eddy pointed out to the Glitterati Gent that he knew perfectly well how to adjust chains, unlike Shitty's previous owners, and for this reason they were going to have a baby set of chains (because they were well f *****).

Shitty is going to be repainted soon, and will be a Really Useful Engine for Charles the Permanent Way Department, and eventually will have air brakes fitted without Eddy having to take him apart again. Brian has suggested that they might call the loco "Shitty of Nottingham"…………

Since that was written, Shitty (because the name DID stick) was much used on PW trains as the extension progressed, though a lack of ballast weights and a high-revving modern engine did mean that this was one NG loco that could almost do wheelies – spinning all 4 wheels was certainly possible! He had a repaint and went visiting to Leicester (another story, that) and more recently has had his cab refitted and air brakes fitted.

[Crayfish]

Lovely story. After reading it I had a great desire to see what "Shitty" looked like so I did some googling...

http://preservedshunters.co.uk/psh_shun ... MH.40SD529

Thought I would share for the benefit of other readers.

[MDLR]

Thanks - that was when they'd started to re-fit the cab...............

[TommyDodd]

That was worth seeing. Thanks for sharing.

[PeachBottom]

BWAHAHA love it!!