Happy New Year - have a chuckle to start.

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philipy
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Happy New Year - have a chuckle to start.

Post by philipy » Thu Dec 31, 2020 3:59 pm

I've cut and pasted this from another forum so I can't vouch for the origin except as stated:
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These are from a book called 'Disorder in the American Courts' and are things people apparently said in court.


ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
_________________________ ___________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He's twenty, much like your IQ.
___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: getting laid
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
W ITNESS : Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and h ad a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No...
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar..
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

Happy new year to one and all
Philip

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Re: Happy New Year - have a chuckle to start.

Post by GAP » Thu Dec 31, 2020 9:29 pm

Happy New Year

Just got this reply from another forum by a North American resident; "In three weeks, no trumps won't just be a bridge bid"
Graeme
From the home of the Ringbalin Light Railway
https://ringbalin-light-railway.blogspo ... -page.html

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Re: Happy New Year - have a chuckle to start.

Post by Lonsdaler » Sat Jan 02, 2021 1:16 pm

Here's to a better year than last :occasion5:
I bought my wife a wooden leg for Christmas. It wasn't her main present. It was just a stocking filler...
Phil

Sporadic Garden Railer who's inconsistencies know no bounds

My Line - https://gardenrails.org/forum/viewtopic ... 41&t=11077

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Re: Happy New Year - have a chuckle to start.

Post by pippindoo » Sat Jan 02, 2021 4:20 pm

I met my wife at the Bus Stop, we got on straight away!.....

I'll fetch me coat. Happy New Year everyone! :king:

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