I've cut and pasted this from another forum so I can't vouch for the origin except as stated:
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These are from a book called 'Disorder in the American Courts' and are things people apparently said in court.
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
_________________________ ___________
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He's twenty, much like your IQ.
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: getting laid
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
W ITNESS : Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and h ad a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No...
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar..
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
Happy new year to one and all
Happy New Year - have a chuckle to start.
- GAP
- Trainee Driver
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Re: Happy New Year - have a chuckle to start.
Happy New Year
Just got this reply from another forum by a North American resident; "In three weeks, no trumps won't just be a bridge bid"
Just got this reply from another forum by a North American resident; "In three weeks, no trumps won't just be a bridge bid"
Graeme
From the home of the Ringbalin Light Railway
https://ringbalin-light-railway.blogspo ... -page.html
From the home of the Ringbalin Light Railway
https://ringbalin-light-railway.blogspo ... -page.html
Re: Happy New Year - have a chuckle to start.
Here's to a better year than last
I bought my wife a wooden leg for Christmas. It wasn't her main present. It was just a stocking filler...
I bought my wife a wooden leg for Christmas. It wasn't her main present. It was just a stocking filler...
Phil
Sporadic Garden Railer who's inconsistencies know no bounds
My Line - https://gardenrails.org/forum/viewtopic ... 41&t=11077
Sporadic Garden Railer who's inconsistencies know no bounds
My Line - https://gardenrails.org/forum/viewtopic ... 41&t=11077
Re: Happy New Year - have a chuckle to start.
I met my wife at the Bus Stop, we got on straight away!.....
I'll fetch me coat. Happy New Year everyone!
I'll fetch me coat. Happy New Year everyone!
The Hollycross Railway Company!
https://gardenrails.org/forum/viewtopic ... 41&t=10467
https://www.flickr.com/photos/pipps_trains/
https://gardenrails.org/forum/viewtopic ... 41&t=10467
https://www.flickr.com/photos/pipps_trains/
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